STORY. :D

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Composition (:

Qn 1
Mumbling to myself angrily, I walked towards the beach near my school. “Why had Tom become that way after being a head prefect? Why must he be so selfish?” I said, sighing. Just then, some voices broke the tranquility at the quiet beach. My curiosity was immediately aroused. Feeling suspicious, I decided to see what was happening.

To my amazement, Tom, my friend and two other boys were extorting money from a scrawny young boy. I scrutinized the two boys and their identities suddenly struck my mind like lightning. It was Tom’s cousin, Joe and Mark! Dumbfounded, I never thought that a head prefect would behave this way! I hid behind a tree and listened to their conversation.

“Are you sure that you have no money? Do you want us to throw you into the sea?” Tom smirked while the others laughed unkindly behind him.

“Please, no!” the young boy pleaded desperately as big drops of tears rolled down his cheeks.

But Tom and the others did not care. With that, they threw the young boy into the sea in a split second. My eyes were opening so wide that it seemed immense as I saw the boy floundering about in the water helplessly. Should I help him? What if I was drowned too? I thought. For once, my heart softened and decided to save the young boy.

Quick as a flash, I dived into the sea. Every second, every minute was crucial. With swift strokes, I swam against the current towards the young boy. He was bobbing up and down like a yo-yo, desperately trying to gasp for air. All of a sudden, a wave of roaring water smacked me in the face and tumbled me over like a tissue in a storm. Spinning over and over, it could only be seconds but I seemed to be falling forever.

I managed to catch a glimpse of the young boy. He was starting to sink. Down below the current and the waves. Down into the deep blue sea. My heartbeat accelerated as my chest seemed to be explode with pain. I could also feel darkness enveloping me as the water rose above me.

“You can do it Wei Ming. I am sure you can,” a little voice in my head urged me on as strength was draining from my body every second.

Finally. Slowly, slowly, I floated upwards. Without wasting a second, I gulped the wonderful fresh air down into my heaving chest. By now, the current had became less strong.

Grabbing the golden opportunity, I quickly swam towards the boy with deft strokes. Summoning my last ounce of strength left in my weak body, I grabbed the boy and I managed to get him back onto the shore to safety.

Fortunately, a lifeguard conducted CPR on the young boy. Soon, the boy regained consciousness after coughing out the seawater. The young boy was very grateful for rescuing her and thanked me profusely. As for Tom and his cousins, Tom was expelled from being a head prefect. His cousins were punished severely.

1 Comments:

  • Story is too simple and plot and phrases are too familiar. What's new?

    I see effort but I don't see any new phrases used. You still haven't stretched your thinking. Comparing your plots to the others, you are going to lose out.

    a) What happen to the bullies after they hurl the boy into the sea? Did they see you dash out to rescue the boy? If they did, then you must describe their reactions after you bring the boy back to the shore. They seem to have disappeared from the scene after they throw him in.

    b) You could expand more on the conclusion on what happened in school the next day. They story will be more complete.

    As usual, you write well but this standard has stagnated for a long time. I have not seen you making big progress or improvement.

    C- 15
    L - 16

    31 marks

    By Blogger **Carpe diem**, At September 14, 2008 at 12:10 AM  

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